20 in 2024: march

in which i fell off the bandwagon, and it ran me over

If you’re new here, “20 in 2024” is my attempt to only buy 20 non-essential items in 2024. Every month, I update on what I’ve bought (and haven’t bought) and how the project is going. Thanks for reading!

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hello! march was a weird month for me. I got employed, though I’m cobbling together different gigs, which is not at all bad, but it’s been a while since I worked in this mode, so def still getting the hang of it!

Some of what I’ve been working on? I wrote this fun piece on reading your way through author Octavia Butler’s work!

so, how did I do with buying? not buying? March was a spendy month.

allowed item: Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky

I let myself have one book for spring, and that is Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky. I’m hoping to start this in April. Has anyone else read it? I’d love to know.

item 1: a smol fountain pen

Okay, so, I bought a small fountain pen that is refillable. I love writing with fountain pens—it’s my preferred method—and there’s a whole world out there of obsessives who collect, but I just wanted a small one that was light, refilled, and I could easily carry around with me. This was that!

item 2: a t-shirt

I went on a trip for work unexpectedly, and I got a shirt from a local bookstore, Exile in Bookville, in Chicago, IL, where I also attended an awesome event: a signing and conversation with incredible author Percival Everett interviewed by (also great author) Gabriel Bump.

item 3: a used e-reader from a person in my city

This is a lesson in how sometimes getting rid of things is not the solution. If you know me, you know I read a lot. I am someone who received a Kobo e-reader back in 2010, when they first came out, as a present from my parents. I remember picking it out at Borders. (Remember Borders?!) And I’ve read on one since, while also reading print books, and really enjoy both.

In 2022 and into 2023, I owned an Amazon e-reader, a Kindle. I am super critical of Amazon, and I try not to use their services because of Amazon’s horrible labor and environmental practices, many of which I’ve discussed previously. I was going through a period of really being vigilant about my personal morals/ethics in relationship to my owned items—which in general is good, I think—and I decided to sell my Kindle and buy a used eReader from a different company, Kobo. (Kobo used to have other features like buying eBooks via indie bookstores, which is no longer available, but they’re basically the only other option unless you use Barnes and Nobles’ Nook e-reader.)

Now, if you too have a Kindle, let me say— there are ways to buy and load non-Kindle brand books onto eReaders using Calibre, a software I love and use for eReaders anyway. (There are some great YouTube tutorials on this.) But despite my efforts and trying countless tutorials, in 2023 I couldn’t get this to work for my Kindle at the time (even though I’m relatively tech-savvy), so I was left buying books via Amazon or getting a different eReader, and I switched to a Kobo, which I’d used in the past. (I also had ebooks from when I did have a Kobo, until it broke, which I couldn’t get to function on my Kindle because of said technical problem.)

I’ll admit that, overall, ebooks are not where Amazon makes its money and so it’s probably a less harmful thing to buy from an environmental standpoint, but it still impacts Amazon’s publishing monopoly and negative impact on the book market. It also doesn’t have physical packaging, take advantage of poorly paid drivers, and doesn’t demand horrible working conditions in warehouses where workers have to pee in bottles and take painkillers just to get through the day, because it’s a digital product. Like many things, in spite of my idealism for more ethical modes of existing in capitalism, it’s not a black-and-white issue.

Now, I like Kobo eReaders. But I bought a used, older, cheaper model that didn’t have certain features—like I had to plug it in to my computer to download library books instead of via WiFi—and after six or seven months, I had to admit that I just didn’t like it as much as my Kindle. I missed my Kindle.

So, begrudgingly, I sold the Kobo and repurchased a Kindle from someone in my city. I met up with them in front of a public library and exchanged cash for goods. I’m still in the process of formatting my ebooks to fit on the Kindle, but so far, it’s working pretty well.

item 4: the collected DVD set of gilmore girls used

Okay, so I am late to this. I was not a fan of the Gilmore Girls show growing up. I didn’t really relate. I found it boring. I had no reference of WASP-y New England culture and I didn’t know anyone as rich as the family on the show or any private prep school kids.

The show has its issues—fat jokes, an insane lack of diversity and the diverse characters it does have fit into pretty wild stereotypes, there’s 90s slut-shaming even in a show about a woman who got pregnant at 16, everyone in the show needs therapy, etc. But when I got laid off in January, my always-on interview/job application brain needed a way to come down, so I slowly started watching this show.

I genuinely think a huge part of it is just watching a mother-child relationship. My mom was absolutely nothing like Lorelai—she was supportive, entrepreneurial, and fun though—and I was only like Rory in my intense bookishness. But it’s just nice to watch a family who, though dysfunctional, root their behaviors in love, most of the time.

You might think, “Why do you need the DVDs?” Well, it was a steal. Also, I’m trying out cancelling Netflix until I have a month where I want to watch something really specific (because my partner and I go a month or two with barely using it), so I can watch it without using Netflix at this point.

item 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10: books. . .

So. Dear friends. I seem to have a problem. And if I’m being honest, I don’t quite have my head fully around said problem in that I don’t totally know why I’m behaving how I am—so I’m going to try and figure this out while I’m writing this. Please chime in if you have any thoughts. I mean it!

Early in March, I went with a friend to walk around a bookstore. It was his idea, and I was weak, and we walked around. I got Crime and Punishment and a non-fiction book about Man Ray, the photographer, and a book that I didn’t count because it was for my partner.

Then, very suddenly, I went to Chicago, IL for one of my part-time jobs—unusual, especially for part-time work, but I was excited. I had looked up some bookstores in the Chicago area, but I didn’t think I would have lots of time given a bunch of work meetings I had scheduled. Well, it turned out I was within a twenty-minute walk of several independent bookstores.

I went to one that was lovely called Exile In Bookville—I highly recommend it if you’re ever there. Then, I went to another incredible place called Open Books, which is not only a bookstore but a non-profit who uses the money from its store (of used and new books) to fund literacy programs in Chicago. I mean, is there a thing more enthralling? I think not. And there, I bought two more books.

“Aviv,” you may be thinking, “don’t you have rules about physical books?”

Why, yes, yes I do. And I’ve tried modifying them. I’ve tried saying:

• No purchasing books at all

• One book per season

• One book for every five books of mine I read

• One book for every five of mine I read and donate/sell

Does any of this seem to be working? No. It doesn’t.

I’ve written about how restriction can sometimes cause behaviors to come out sideways (at least for me). I’d struggled with this in low/no-buys before, and despite not feeling particularly limited by my no-buy/low-buy this year, books seem to be the area where my ability to exert willpower is just. . . not working.

Upon reflection, I don’t have a full understanding of my own behavior, but I think the following are parts of the reasons why:

• The grief of what would have been my mom’s 64th birthday this year, which was on March 20th (pisces energy) and the desire for the things we shared, including a love of books

• Getting a paycheck for basically the second time since the beginning of the year, after a long stretch of unemployment and underemployment, and finally feeling like I don’t have to be quite as restrictive on my budget as I have been

• The joy of traveling/places I may not visit again for a long time, so it feels like a limited opportunity

• The sudden opportunity for the book signing event—this I don’t regret at all

• The feeling that books are one of the few areas I’m highly focused on for the last four months, which might be tied to some time in my life (like when I was a kid) when I read with abandon

• Wanting to feel the freedom and joy of being able to indulge, and books feeling like the most appropriate way to do so

• Stress! Triggering! This!

• Putting myself in bookstores when I should probably just avoid them entirely for the next couple of months

total items of the year: 16/20

Now, you’ll probably notice with all of the books I bought, that I’m pretty close to the 20 of 2024 this year. What does that mean? Will I adjust my goal? I don’t know. For now, I’m going to try not to. But, if it starts to feel really unrealistic, I’ll reconsider.

For now, my plan is to not purchase any more books until I read one shelf I have, which features most of the books I’ve bought this year. I’m determined to be gentle with myself about it because in many other ways I’m trying very hard.

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Do you have any advice for me and my compulsive book buying? Have you ever struggled with something similar? Please let me know in the comments. :)